Thursday, September 15, 2011

Say What You Will

I've never understood the point of proxies.

They come around mwahaha-ing and talking all about their beloved fucking masters, blah blah blah, but they don't really have a point, do they? I mean, all the "power" their boss gives them...why? What can a fucking self-important human do that a fucking god of fear can't?

The answer is nothing. Proxies are just more fucking pawns on the board and Christ I sound like fucking Penny, but it's true. They're not special. They're just another pawn of the Fears, to be destroyed or discarded when they get boring. They're not valuable. They don't serve a purpose. They're just toys. They're victims like the rest of us, even if they volunteer. They don't realize they're just as fucked as the people they torment.

I mean Christ, look at what happened to Steward. I don't think Slendy even thought twice about turning him over to the Rake. I don't think he thought about it at all.

Why am I talking about proxies all of a sudden?

I just killed one.

I just killed a human being. I did it with my buck knife.

He was a proxy, yes. I did it to save the kids, yes.

But he was still a fucking person.

And I know, I just fucking know he was there, the only reason that fucking proxy of Smiley's was there, was so I would kill him. So I'd have a "pleasure" of taking a human life. The rules are fucking subject to change without fucking notice, right?

I don't know how I feel. I don't even know how to fucking feel.

And there's no one I can turn to. I'm alone with this. Who would I talk to? Tara? She needs to stay as far away from me as possible for her own sake. Fucking Penny? She'll probably fucking congratulate me. The people reading? You people have your own fucking problems. You don't need mine.

And I can't take a break because if I do people die.

And I need a break. I so desperately need a break.

I'm not sure how much longer I can fucking take this.

I'll get into the specifics of everything later. Right now...I just need to...I don't know.

I need to do something.

2 comments:

  1. The problem lies in still thinking of them like they're people. You start working for team Fear and that's as good as turning in your Human card. Hell, if something were to happen and they managed to turn *me* . . . well I pray to the gods I'd have the strength of will left to kill myself and take as many of them down with me as possible. If I don't I sure as hell *hope* someone manages to do it for me before I'm forced to harm an innocent. The only difference between offing one of them and all the times you've capped Smiley is that they die easier than he does.

    It's a war out there kid. Thought you knew that already.

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  2. The day I stop caring about killing people is the day I become just as fucking bad as a fucking proxy.

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