Monday, October 31, 2011


God fucking damnit.

We finally get to fucking Hope and when we do, everything's awkward as fuck.

It doesn't help that I kinda really screamed at Tara when I got here. And she...God, she feels terrible, you know? She didn't mean to, but they were talking and she got scared and he was right there and....hormones, nerves and shit, you know? She knows who he is but she fucking couldn't stop herself. They were both vulnerable and he was there and willing.

So she's not talking to me right now. It's not one of those "I'm not talking to you" things either. We just...aren't comfortable around each other right now.


Penny doesn't want to fucking talk to me, either. She's talked to Chelsea a whole bunch, but she's just...cold right now. I guess neither of us know what to say to each other, now that we're finally all together.

And Chelsea...God, where do I even fucking begin?

On the road trip, she tried to put the moves on me.

I really don't know how to react to that. I mean, no one's really hit on me before, let alone another fucking other girl. What do you fucking say to that?

She's probably just desperate. I mean, why the fuck else would someone like that hit on a mangled fucking tomboy dressed like a goth fucking cowboy.

So needless to fucking say she's not saying much to me, either.

And Peter? Christ. I have a hand near my revolver whenever he's fucking around. What do I do about him? I...I'm really not comfortable with shooting someone who hasn't done anything against me and mine. But if he stays, he's gonna almost certainly fucking do so.

And I can practically fucking hear proxiehunter's enraged fucking comment right now, all caps and telling me to fucking kill him now. I know. I fucking know! The longer I fucking agonize about this, the worse it's going to be when he fucking finally snaps, and it really is just a matter of fucking time.

I'm staying close to everyone and keeping an eye on him.

My revolver and my buck knife are never fucking leaving my person.

But, then again...

Maybe I'll talk to him about his brother. He's looking for him, right? I mean, I don't fucking pretend to believe that they're on anything fucking resembling good terms, but maybe we can get him going towards his family and out of our fucking hair.

Maybe that'd be for the best.

I'll keep y'all posted.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I Hate This Car

Penny, why is your car so terrible? I mean, you're blind but that's no fucking excuse.

I mean, what is this fucking car's deal I don't even fucking know.

It's like this car is dying for Detroit's fucking sins. But every time there's a new one it fucking dies again.

We'll be in NJ within the next few days, assuming this car does fall into fucking pieces by then.

Oh. Um. In other news. There's...other news.

I don't really want to get into it right now, though.

It's kind of confusing and awkward.

Anyway, stay safe and don't do anything retarded.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Keep Moving

We're on our way.

This Aries guy had better hope I don't find him when I get there.

Also, good work, Tara. I know, yes, you probably should have shot him. But you stood up for yourself and your friends, which, speaking as the one who stood up for you in school, is pretty fucking amazing. I'm proud of you, girl. Give yourself a pat on the back.

And Penny, don't be so hard on her. She's new to all of this and she's doing great so far.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to lock her in an iron fucking box when we get there to keep her out of trouble. But still, good job on not dying yet.

Christ, I almost sounded like an actual fucking adult there for a second.

And I guess I should probably talk about what Penny said. About being a proxy.

I really don't want to, though. I'm trying not to think about it right now. I don't have the fucking time for a fucking identity crisis.

I'll freak out when Tara and Penny are safe and the Timberpup situation is resolved.

You know, speaking of, it's weird. I was kind of expecting Mister Gas Mask to show up by now and make the same implied threats that Slendy made somehow. He hasn't.

However, something weird did happen, when we checked into this hotel. One of the three missing bullets? You know, from when I was blacked out? It was waiting on my pillow like a fucking mint.

I'm keeping it in my jacket pocket, separate from my other ammo. Just in case.

Anyway, I'm going to go grab breakfast for Chelsea and me. We need to be ready to head out soon.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Hey, Pete

Leave them.

Wander off into the woods or something and don't fucking come back.

If you're there by the time I get there.

If you've hurt them at all.

If you've even fucking looked at them wrong.

I will kill you.

I've killed before.

It just gets easier.

Especially with a gun. And oh yes, I do have my revolver.

So yes. Go and never come back. Because if you stay, well.

Like Penny said.

Better sleep with one eye open.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Chelsea Here

Hey guys, this is Chelsea Balisong.

I'm too lazy to start my own blog so I'm using Jeanette's. She probably won't mind.

Anyway, we're at a motel in the middle of the desert. It's...I'm not going to lie. It is dull as fuck.

Also I've been swearing a whole lot more since hanging out with Jeanette. I think she's a bad influence. My poor virgin mind has been sullied!

I've been reading this out loud to Jeanette and she just let out a bark of laughter. I'm not sure why.

Anyway, in the morning we'll continue on our way to save my sister and Jeanette's lesbian lover and she just punched me. I'm not sure why she's so randomly violent all the time.

As always,
Chelsea Balisong

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Good/Bad/Frustrating News

Well, it looks like Smiley stopped killing in Champaign entirely after offing Tara's roommate. That's the good news.

The bad news is, it's on the East Coast. Again. And I'm sill on the West, figuring out how to get across the country.

And now the frustrating news.

Penny and Tara--aka the blind girl and the girl who cannot correctly hold a weapon to save her life--are headed there, rather than waiting for me. She's giving up on her fucking school to do this.

I mean, I expected this sort of bullshit from Penny because as far as I can fucking tell she gets off on infuriating me, but Tara? Okay, yes, I expect this sort of bullshit from Tara because she never fucking believes me when I tell her something is too dangerous or too stupid. The safe option is to let me take care of it. Like I always do.

What the fuck are you going to do, Tara? Study the Smiling Man to death?

Also, Penny said something about her "cards shifting" and the "Cups and Pentacles replacing Swords betwixt the Lovers and the Devil", or whatever the fuck that and all of her other seer bullshit is. The last "reading" she did with major arcana? It turned out to be about the fucking Slender Man. And a fucking crazy ass proxy version of someone we used to know. This one has the Devil? I'll let you do the fucking math, people.

But no, don't wait for the one who can fucking fight. Have the scholar and the blind fucking fortune teller go. That'll turn out really fucking well.

Oh? And extra frustrating? When I leave, Chelsea, as the Page is calling herself (Jesus Christ this is a weird family), wants to come with me. The only tempting part about this is I think this would really piss Penny off.

Back to trying to find affordable trains. You know, before Penny and Tara get themselves Fearmurdered.

Thursday, October 6, 2011


It's my birthday apparently.

Woo-fucking-hoo. Nineteen years old.

I feel so fucking special.

Anyway, Page is pretty cool. We've hung out a bit while I'm weighing my options on how to get back to Illinois.

Apparently Penny and Tara are getting along pretty well, too. Turns out she really is CarrionPrincess, so I guess they know each other.

Tara says she isn't but I'm pretty sure she's trying to find Smiley without me. Penny says she isn't either, but I'm pretty sure she goes with Tara. Also, I'm pretty sure Penny's helping her just to enrage me.

So, anyway, happy fucking birthday to me.

Maybe I'll get a laser for it.

Fucking lasers. Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I'm Not Sure What Just Happened

Start at the beginning. Right.

Last night I had a really fucking weird dream.

I was in this field of flowers, right? This field of endless flowers, flowers as far as the eye could see, filling the horizon in every fucking direction, and not just one type. Every type, roses, aconite, hydrangea, morning glory, lilacs, lilies, orchids, tulips, poppies, and on and on and on, covering all of the land, every square fucking inch of it. They filled the air, too. Petals floated in the breeze, blocking out the sun, choking out the sky. Every breath was saturated with pollen, almost more pollen than oxygen, choking me, sending me into nigh-fucking-constant sneezing fits. The pollen filled my eyes, too, making them itch and constantly fucking tear up.

And there was another smell, too. Just under the pollen was the potent smell of decay. Of wet rot and putrid flesh, only the overpoweringly sweet smell of flowers keeping that from make me sick too.

But the worst part was the rustling.

All around me was the rustling of leaves, the sounds of something moving through the flowers--every fucking flower--everywhere, all at once, a goddamn motherfucking cacophony of constant, quiet, disorienting noises. Part of me wanted to know what was making the sound...but I never checked.

I stumbled through the field for God knows how fucking long when I found someone else, stumbling in the other direction, her hands oustretched, each step she was taking being exceptionally careful, her eyes glassy and unfocused (and, in retrospect, probably actual glass), and I recognized the slight brunette young woman almost immediately as Miss Punchable, from my other dreams, aka probably Penny Balisong, the Queen of Cups.

I wanted to say something to her, wanted to get her attention, but before I could talk to her/punch her, I felt the sun on the back of my neck, and I turned towards it and saw...

And then I woke up in a bed that wasn't mine.

I'm not entirely sure I was asleep at all, either. My eyes still itch and my nose is stuffed up.

I could dance around the issue, but fuck that:

Penny and I have switched places. Her Page has confirmed this (also, I scared her half to fucking death when I was trying to get my bearings, but she seems...bizarrely cool with all of this). I'm not sure how this happened, but the fact of the matter is I am now in Los Angeles and Penny is in Champaign.

She's asked that I don't use her or her sister's real names. For whatever fucking reason, it doesn't matter. She doesn't know what's going on, either. All she remembers is wandering through somewhere with overpowering sound and smells, and then finding herself in my cot with no idea of how she got there.

Tara and her are going to look into it while I see if I can't find a way to get back to Champaign...or at least see if there's something to do out here while I wait.

Uh Oh

Something really fucking weird's going on.

Tara, when you read this, go to my hideout. I can message you and tell you where it is if you've forgotten. I think there's someone there who needs your help. I'll bet she's even more confused than I am.

I'm going to get my bearings, though I'm pretty sure I have the basic idea of where I am.

More once I get a better handle on this.

Saturday, October 1, 2011


I'm calmer now.

Tara's roommate is dead. We found her naked and tortured in the street, her mouth full of rose petals. I can't stay with her anymore, so I'm elsewhere in Champaign.

I know I'm seriously screwing up my badass cred by whining all the time, it's doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything. I can never find it before it wants me to. I wonder why I even bother trying sometimes.

Fuck it. Tara and I are going to meet at the mall later. She's determined to make me have a good time if she has to. I think she just needs to get her mind off her dead roommate. I don't blame her.

I'm going to re-think my strategy. There has to be something I'm missing. Something else I can do.

I wish I wasn't the fucking first person to post a blog about this asshole. I could use an M. I guess I'm M in this situation, aren't I? Not the best mentor, kids. I haven't saved anyone, not really.

My advice for dealing with the Smiling Man? If it's been a week since it gave you flowers, then it could take you at any time. I'm not sure what Running can accomplish. If someone tries it, let me know. I'm going to advise the next victim-to-be I find to try it. If I can't save them, maybe I can at least buy them some time.