My Girlfriends Are Crazy

So, first of all, we're not dead.

We needed to do some relocation.  We're still recovering from Operation Summerborn, if you can fucking believe that.

Here's the short version of Summerborn:  We had inside men and women in Ace's organization.  They helped us get Knight of Coins--that's Leo, by the way--out of Ace's hands.  We wanted to keep them in, so we weren't saying much about it, but, surprise fucking surprise, Ace managed to sniff them out.  We had to free them.  One of them didn't make it.  I'm sure they fucking fed her to that fucking pet monster of theirs.

We're trying not to think about that.  But we, I mean me, because it's hit Tara, Ginger (Ten), and Leo pretty fucking hard and it's hard for them not to think about it.  Tara and Ginger were the ones that came up with the plan, and Ginger and Leo knew our insiders pretty well.

Right now, we're consolidating our resources, regrouping, and trying to stop Smiley from filleting a preteen boy.  So far, we have jack all resources, only a bare minimum of people--if fucking that, and we've narrowed Smiley's location down to one of half a dozen fucking places in this confusing fucking city, and the boy'll probably be dead in less than a week unless we hurry and tag it.

Also, in other news?  The girls I'm dating are really fucking crazy.

I woke up last night with Chelsea's hand on my stomach.  I asked her what the fuck she was doing and she said, "Shhh, I'm getting you pregnant."

Then, out of nowhere--because she wasn't there when we went to bed--Penny comes up and puts her hand on my stomach and says.  "I'm aborting your baby."

Then Chelsea said, "That's awful!  Keep your hand there.  I want to see which one of us wins."

Some nights I almost wish I'd stayed celibate.

More From the Road

So I guess by now you can probably guess Operation Summerborn was pretty fucking successful.

Mostly, anyway.

I can't go into details just yet.  There're still some pieces in play.  Or maybe we're just fucking with Ace and want him to think we do.  Guess that's just our little secret.

There's one thing I can say, I guess.  And I probably should, because knowing her, Alice would just fucking tell you all in the most fucking embarrassing way possible, but we're engaged, now.

Alice and I, I mean.

And I might be dating Penny too?  Sort of?  And Alice is cool with it?

I don't fucking know.  This is all really fucking confusing.  I don't even know if we can get actually married, seeing as I'm pretty much a fugitive from the law and stuff.

And I really don't know what's going on with me and Penny.  I say we're kind of dating but mostly we're just...really awkward and sometimes we cuddle and half the time she just makes fun of me and tells me I'm cuddling her wrong?

I really, really don't fucking know why Alice doesn't fucking care, either.  I'm fucking engaged to her but when she sees me and Penny together she's all "That's so cute!  I'mma take a picture and put it on my facebook", and then Penny's all, "you don't have a facebook", and then Alice says, "I'll make one just for this picture.  It'll be called 'My sister and my fiancee:  a romanticall journey'".

...Jesus Fucking Christ, why am I so goddamn head over heels for this family?

The Things With Dead Eyes That Used To Be Men

Fuck.

Don't even know where to fucking begin here.  This is some fucked up shit.  Maybe this sort of thing is like, fucking preschool stuff to some of you out there, but I've only been really dealing with Smiley, never many of the others, not fucking directly.

I didn't really believe Alice at first, because it sounded like a pretty tall fucking tale, but Ten corroborates, and I've fucking seen them with my own fucking eyes, so listen up.  And if any of this sounds familiar with anyone, let me know.  I'd like to know what I'm fucking dealing with.  And what the fuck it did with Tara and Alison.

I'd just met up with Ten and Alice.  It was a bit after I punched Ten in the face on principle.  We were out looking for somewhere to get food and maybe get some ice for Ten's face.

Alice was the first one to see it, maybe because she's been the one to see them more.  Still feel pretty fucking careless not spotting it first, though.  Fucking monocular vision.  She saw someone being dragged into an alley.    Ten didn't want to get involved but, fuck it, what's the point of being a goth cowboy if you don't go fucking vigilante once in a fucking while?

She told me to be careful, but I told her I knew what I was doing.  Then I looked down the alley and realized no, I really fucking didn't.

I'm going to say here that it was like a zombie, and I know the first fucking thing that will come to your mind is a Romero zombie.  This wasn't like that.  They're more like voodoo zombies.  They're living and mindless and focused on the task in front of them. This one grabbed a guy and was dragging him, hand over his mouth, somewhere down the alley.

Another thing?  It looked like it was...absorbing the color around it, I guess you could say.  It was all grey and washed out, and I could see that in some places, the guy it was holding was like that too.  Like if Rainbow Brite had a fucking voodoo priest in her Rogues Gallery or something.

I don't know what it was going to do next.  I didn't give it fucking time.  I sprinted up to the fucker with my knife out--to big major a street to risk the Anaconda--and jabbed it right in the bastard's throat.  Grey blood gushed from it, but it kept hauling the guy back.  Like I'd just barely fucking tapped it.

I still didn't want to use the Colt, so I grabbed a loose brick from the alley floor and smashed it down on the zombie...thing's head.  I did that a couple of times, enough that I saw its skull cave in.  It just fucking let me hit it, too.  Didn't even pause dragging the guy back.

I was about to just shoot the fucker when it slowed and stopped, and then loosened its grip and fell back.  The guy it had scurried away as fast as he could and took off screaming.  Ten, Alice, and I had to get away fast, so we couldn't investigate the body.

What we think happened is, it doesn't need the brain to work.  It's programmed, like a fucking computer.  Only thing that killed it in the end was blood loss, because it just really fucking needs the limbs and lungs to work, and it took way too much of that before it started fucking slowing.

My suggestion?  You see these things, go for the heart.  Stop the blood flow altogether.  If I'm right that'll fucking down them faster than anything.

Wish I knew what the fuck they were, or where the fuck they came from.  Best guess?  Whatever the fuck was in King's head has made them.  I don't know more.

All Alice and I remember is that we were sitting with Tara, and Alison was in the other room, talking to King, in this old warehouse we were squatting in.  Then I heard Alison call out something, and then I heard a loud BANG, and then Alice woke up alone in the warehouse a few days later and I woke up in a fucking cornfield months later.

Ten remembers coming to look for us.  She also, seeing the transcript, can sort of recall seeing something but she doesn't remember what.  According to her, she was in the group to see if whatever the fuck Alison knew could be used as a weapon again the Major Arcana (fuck now I'm consistently calling them that).  Knight was there to help his brother, and from talking with King, he was there mostly because Knight was making him.  Ten says she doesn't know any of the specifics on what was in King's head, only that Knight occasionally let slip that it wasn't...a stable entity.  Like maybe it was broken or something?  If the Major Arcana can even break--though I guess the Chariot (Dying Man.  Why do I keep using her terms?) is proof that they might not be immutable.

It's Ace that makes me nervous right now, though.  Not even Ten knew what his deal was, exactly, or how he had that paramilitary group under his command.  She's not even sure his soldiers knew--different squads had different fucking stories about why they were where they were and doing what they were.

Who he is doesn't make me nearly as nervous as the other question:  where the fuck is he now, and what is he doing with all those soldiers?

For that matter, what happened to the, like, fucking dozen of soldiers that tried to capture us?  Are they turning up at random around the country too?  Or around the world?  What if Tara fucking shows up in the middle of fucking North Korea?  What is Alison appears in the fucking jungle?

I really need to find them soon.  I hope whoever posted that fucking clue is Alison or Tara.  But if they are...why haven't they contacted us?

Touching Base

I have no fucking clue what the hell what happened.  I woke up in a fucking corn field with a fucking death grip on the laptop.  Not covered in blood like Ten.  Fuck, I just fucking know she's going to try to punch me. when she sees me.

I don't know what happened to the others.  But you'd better fucking know by now that I will find them.  And I will fucking save them.

Need to get on a train.  Need to get my gun and knife back.

Need to see Alice again.

God Damnit Penny

Stop fucking talking about Proxiehunter's blog.

Jesus, we get it, you have a crush on him, can we move on?

Oh, now I see why Chelsea reads shit like this aloud. That's actually pretty fucking hilarious.

Nope

Not talking about the psychos in this post. Not going to do it. Too much else is fucking going on. Besides, we're going to buy alcohol soon so I don't have all that much time.

For one, I guess Hunter was alive and then died again? Fuck. I'll need to get some for him, too. Hope you found some resolution, man. Or at least killed what you meant to kill.

Not focusing on that, though.

Mostly today I'll be talking about my relationship.

Basically, I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. Every once in a while Alice is all "Let's cuddle now!" and I say, "I'm busy." and then she does it anyway.

How does this work? I guess it's alright but I'm fucking lost as hell.

The others are no fucking help, either. Penny mimes vomiting whenever the subject's brought up and Tara just stands there like a fucking idiot, calling us a "cute couple". What the fuck does that even fucking mean?

Fuck, it doesn't even matter. This is just getting me confused and frustrated so I guess I'll talk about the guys who shot at us anyway.

Penny and Tara think at least one of them was from their little message board group? I don't even fucking know. They only talk to each other about it. Way to keep secrets from the one who, you know can fucking protect you better than anyone else around fucking here.

And this business about Smiley being locked in Penny's head? Fuck if I know what that's all about. She posted it without talking to any of us about. Not even fucking Alice, and then, of course, she doesn't talk to anyone about it afterwards either.

Just fucking fantastic.

...I guess there is something else. Always is, right?

Ten of Wands sent me a message.

"This is all your fault.

I hope I'm the one who gets to kill you."

This was so much easier when it was just me, alone, hunting Smiley. Sure, it sucked, but there weren't fucking factions, there weren't people with me I had to fucking protect. Just me and it.

Speaking of the devil (not The Devil, that's something different. Thanks for giving everything a confusing second name, Penny!), it's been hitting a few places pretty hard lately.

I know what happens if we don't save them, but right now....ug, they're probably waiting for us at at least one of the places. We need to find it but we also need to not get fucking shot.

I seriously cannot fucking get that alcohol fast e-fucking-nough.

Urg.

Tomorrow, I will have had this blog for a year.

Woopty fucking do.

As you might've pieced together, I got shot in the leg the other day. See, I got this email. It was from a girl, saying she'd gotten a bouquet, asking for our help.

We didn't want the guys following us to know about it, so we didn't post anything to our blogs about going to help her.

It turns out there was no girl. Never fucking was. Just a trap. They were waiting for us.

I'm not sure how many there are. This blog seems to indicate there's just four of them but maybe those are just the leaders. Maybe there're footsoldiers. Maybe these four are agents of some obscure fucking puppet masters somewhere.

All I know is, whether Penny really doesn't remember or if she does, no one gets that info. No one. Even with a fucking reason. If she really has some big Fear-making or Fear-forming or Fear-freeing secret somewhere in her crazy head, then I'd sooner die than let anyone have it.

Fuck, I don't even think it'd be safe with me. If there was power like that, who would you trust it to? I know like fucking half of you just said "Not Penny". I know I did.

But the thing is, she might be the best fucking choice. I can't get her to talk about it--she outright fucking refuses to let one fucking word escape her lips on the topic except to profess ignorance. Fuck, Alice can't get her to talk about it. She insists she doesn't know but I can tell it's not true. We can all fucking tell it's not true.

Christ, I'm in over my fucking head. These people have stated they're willing to fake Smiley attacks and to frame Smiley. You know the MO of a Fear and it's not hard to fucking copy them, not if you're real fucking good at what you do.

Anyway, happy fucking one-year anniversary of being totally fucked.

Anyway

Some guys with guns came after us. They weren't Sgt. Pepper's. I don't know who the fuck they were.

We were closest to a port, so we ran there, found a houseboat, and Tara stole it.

We're still on the houseboat, though we've landed a few times. Never at a port, though. We'll have to ditch it soon, we've had some close encounters with the coast guard.

I'll be glad when I'm not sharing a tiny fucking bathroom with three other fucking girls.

And...I'll be honest. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing as far as relationships go. I mean fuck I don't even really think about people that way.

But she's kinda cool, I guess.

Jesus Christ what is wrong with me this is public.

Anyway, people trying to kill us.

I don't think they're trying to kill us.

I think they want us alive.

I think they want to know how we gave Smiley form.

Penny/Alison whatever won't talk about it. I know she's the one who was the most responsible, but she won't say. She says she doesn't remember but no one's fucking buying it, Ali.

Anyway I need to find a way to ditch this houseboat.

More later.

Just Another Day

Just a snippet of a conversation we had the other day at a diner.

Tara: Hey, Jeanette. You remember when your worst fear was that you'd end up pregnant in high school like your mom?

Me: *snort, laugh* Yeah. Remember when yours was that you wouldn't be accepted by the U of I?

Tara: Totally. What about you, Chels?

Chelsea: My worst fear used to be that my classmates would find out about me and they'd force me to change in the shower during gym or something.

Me: *chuckle* Penny?

Penny: *deadpan* My worst fear is a monster with a wide smile and penchant for flowers. Perhaps you've heard of him.

*awkward silence. Penny slowly grins.*

Chelsea: It's your job to ruin everything, isn't it, ******?

Penny: Well, I am an older sister.

The Fuck Did I Just Watch?

Okay, so. I just saw something really fucked up.

Chelsea and I were hanging out in our hotel room. Chelsea was channel surfing and I was cleaning the revolver and, like, half watching the screen.

Suddenly, she stops on this shitty as fuck looking puppet show, right? The star is this puppet that looks like it's made of other puppets or something? Like, with a doll head? And he's on this cheesy as fuck pirate ship with a face, and there's cheesy fucking calliope music playing the whole time. Chelsea kept it on because it looked, to quote her, "wonderfully godawful".

So, I'm cleaning my gun, and I'm glancing at the screen, and then I start to notice the pirate ship's in strangely familiar waters. The sea's full of cattails, water lilies, lotuses...aquatic plants and flowers as far as the eye can see. It got to the point where I couldn't even see the water anymore. Petals began to drift down from the sky from some unseen source. I think I heard the ship choking on some of the flowers, spitting them out as best it (she, maybe?) could.

I guess they got to shore--not that I could tell, since the flowers never stopped, because the puppet--who looked fucking terrified, by the way--was giving this dismal fucking stare down at the flowers, and then the pirate ship says, "You have. To go. Janice needs us."

The puppet, I swear to God, gulped, nodded, and jumped down, and fucking immediately, the background music cuts out and gets replaced by a constant rustling sound. He sunk to his fucking knees in water and flowers, and started slowly wading through them and this whole time a part of my brain is screaming at me that all of this is real fucking familiar.

"Holy shit. Why would they go to all the effort to make such a shitty looking puppet so amazingly expressive?" Chelsea said. I could tell she was starting to get a little unnerved by the whole thing.

The puppet slogged through the water and to the shore, and the whole time, he's looking around, glancing at everything, like he's afraid something's going to pop out and drag him under at any minute, and from the ripples and rustling all around him? He was probably right.

So he made it to shore and now he's walking through this endless field of flowers, with petals raining constantly from the sky, and he has a hand over his mouth and he's coughing and sneezing and I would've been thinking about how realistic this puppet show was if I hadn't instantly recognized where the puppet was.

They focused a really long time on the puppet stumbling through the fields. Like, absurdly fucking long, ten minutes at fucking least, if not longer, and the entire time, it was like there was something under the foliage, just out of sight, following him slowly and methodically.

Eventually, the puppet started coughing so hard he fell to his knees, and he started to bring this surgical mask out of his pocket when suddenly, there was someone in front of him.

I kid you fucking not.

It was the Smiling Man.

And not, like, a Smiley puppet, or a Smiley actor. The fucking Smiling Man and, at this point, Chelsea dropped the pretense of being anything but unsettled by this.

The puppet started freaking out. "Muh muh muh Mister Smiles! The Bird Man told me...."

Smiley handed him a mayflower. Its eyes...they were like black spots, like the TV couldn't process the feed it was getting from them.

"Janice. I need to find Janice. Have you..."

The Smiling Man handed him a blue rose. The puppet stared at with absolutely no comprehension.

"Please, sir! I know the Skin Taker was here! I need to..."

Smiley gave the puppet a handful of impatiens and asparagus blossoms.

"I...I'll go, if you don't know any--"

Smiley gave the puppet a human heart. Chelsea jumped.

The puppet fucking screamed and dropped it, falling into the tangle of flowers beneath him and backing away on his hands. Smiley slowly advanced on the puppet, its grin even wider than before.

"Oh please, Mr. Smiles, I didn't mean any insult! I just wanted to find Janice! P-please, don't..."

The Smiling Man handed the puppet one last flower. It was a rose. It was completely black, save for the flower, which was a solid white bud. The leaves had been stripped of their flesh, leaving only dangling, tendril-like veins hanging from the flower's sides.

"Y-yes sir. Yes, I understand." The puppet said, taking the flower and getting to his feet. The puppet was absolutely covered in this reddish brown mud and pollen and grass stains, and his hands were still covered in blood from the heart. He snatched the rose up and took off as fast as he could and then I guess the episode ended.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that? A children's show with the fucking Smiling Man on it? Shit, what the fuck else is on that fucking show?

Chelsea was pretty shaken up. I'm trying to calm her down. More if I can find out anything about that show.

I'm Surrounded By Nerds

Goddamnit girls.

Stop fucking talking about Pokemon.

On White Trash

As someone who was conceived when her parents were still in high school, I have some serious fucking qualms with how lower-income white Middle Americans are treated in the media. I mean, here's my background: my dad knocked my mom up when she was sixteen and he was eighteen. Rather than skip out, he manned the fuck up and married her, taking a factory job straight out of high school, and working it until he was laid off, at which point he started doing various jobs before landing a job as a mechanic at a nearby auto shop. My mom's been mostly stay at home her whole time as a mother, but every once in a while she's gotten a part time job at a gas station or a department store to help pay for the bills. Both my parents are decent, hard-working folk. They might not always be the most politically correct, but they raised me.

I know, that seems like a pretty fucking damning mark on their record, but fuck, I mean, I'm still fucking alive after all this supernatural bullshit.

The thing is, if I was in some movie, what do you think I would've been like? What do you think my parents would've been like? Thick, inexplicable Southern accent (mine's pretty standard Midwestern, only a little bit of a drawl)? Tramp stamp and visible thong? Substantially overweight, maybe? Maybe the town slut? Father with a new bottle of booze every night? Abusive parents? Maybe half a dozen kids?

Never'd be the hero. Almost certainly comic fucking relief, jokes about eating possums and fucking cousins. Maybe some abhorrent admirer for the hero to try to resist the wiles of while he seeks out Miss Perfect Cheerleader/Secretly Hot Nerd, depending on whether he's Mister Perfect Jock or Secretly Hot Nerd (Male Version).

My dad drinks, but not a lot. He's yelled a few times, but he's never done it abusively. Only ever took me over his knee when I was little, and even then not that often and only when I was being really fucking bad. He's a good man. Most media, you think my dad would've stuck around and raised me? Of course not, it's the modern motherfucking Midwestern fucking tableau, written by people who've never fucking seen the Midwest except from a fucking plane window. Fuck, in half the fucking shows out there I'd be a convenient fucking miscarriage, just a very special episode teaching little Becky not to put out without having to cross the fucking Abortion Rubicon.

I know some people fit the stereotypes, and yes, I know as a white girl I don't have it as bad as other people do, but still, I'd really like it for people at the gas station to stop fucking smirking at me when they hear that Midwestern twang. It gets really fucking tired to have to hide your accent when on the coasts just to avoid being fucking patronized. Shit, it even happened in Champaign half the time I spoke to one of those fuckwits from Chicago.

Anyway, rant over, for now.

Oh, by the way, the Secretly Hot Nerd was Tara. I guess in the High School Romantic Comedy Equation, that makes me the Jealous Protective Possibly Gay Best Friend.

God, Penny and Chelsea are going to have a fucking field day with this post.

Queens' Run

You know what I miss? When I wasn't on the run from a secret organization.

Those were the days.

Fuck, where do I even start?

So, if you didn't know, me, Pete, and his brother Jimmy were all trying to find a way to get the two of them together. Jimmy and Pete both agreed this was probably the best option. Pete gets out of our hair, and also, maybe some fucking help. I know his organization isn't the most trustworthy but it's better than letting him run around on his fucking own.

So they decide to meet us at the same old amusement park the Manufactured Newborn was unleashed in. Yeah, that was a great fucking idea on everyone's fucking part.

We all got there, and everything was going fine. Better than fine. In fact, it looked like we'd hand off Peter and we'd be on our way and everything'd be fine and fucking dandy.

So of course that's when Peter's other side took over.

The agents weren't there yet, but they would be soon. Pete said he wanted to say goodbye to Tara. I didn't want her to, and I don't think she wanted to, but she stepped forward, and then Pete had his arm around her neck and was using her as a human shield.

My revolver was already pointed at him, but I didn't trust the shot. Not with one eye. Not with my best friend in his grip.

I asked him what he fucking wanted. He said he wanted not to be there when the agents sent to pick him up got there. He said he was sorry he had to grab Tara for this.

I told him to go fuck himself. He replied that he really didn't want to hurt Tara but he would if he had to. He was slowly backing towards an alley.

Penny was telling me to take the shot the entire time. I never did. When he reached the alley, I kid you fucking not, he blew us a kiss, pushed Tara forward, and ducked down it. By the time I reached the alley, he was gone.

So, basically, I fucked up. I should have killed him when I had the chance. But what else is fucking new? I'm basically fucking worthless anyway. A fucking blind girl could do my job--a fucking blind girl HAS done my job.

But enough fucking self pity. Because right after that, almost the exact fucking second after that, the fucking Lonely Hearts Club Band Agents show up, and, oh yeah, they were fucking armed, faster than they looked, and they looked pretty fucking fit. And they were also pretty fucking pissed that we'd lost Peter Rivers.

We lost a few of them by telling them where Peter had started to run, but it was clear that they still weren't that happy, so I distracted them while everyone else absconded the fuck out of there.

And by distracted I mean with bullets.

Yeah, in hindsight I probably shouldn't've shot at them, but it was really just a matter of fucking time before we pissed off Sergeant Pepper's, and I'm pretty sure I didn't shoot anyone fataly.

Pretty sure.

That makes me sound more badass than I was. The reason I'm pretty fucking sure is that I spent a lot of my time shooting over my shoulder and hoping not to get fucking shot. Jesus fucking Christ, it's like everyone in that fucking agency only drinks fucking Powerthirst.

We wandered around the amusement park for a while. And by 'we', I mean I wandered for a while, looking for the others, trying to stay away from those freaks in Sergeant Pepper's.

It's a creepy fucking place. I bet Penny could say something more fucking poetic about it but, yeah, turns out? Rusted out amusement parks where a dark machinery god was born? Really fucking creepy.

We had a few close calls, but we met up at the parking lot...where they had our shitty car on lockdown. I'm pretty sure weird shit happened to the other girls, but they don't want to fucking talk about it, of course.

Anyway, we needed a way out but couldn't really think of one, until Tara suggested we steal the caretaker's car. To which I sarcastically asked if she knew how to hotwire a car.

So, funny story. Turns out, when Tara insists she's been preparing for this life? Turns out she really has been. Long story short, she actually can hotwire a car. So that's pretty fucking rad.

There was a fucking lackluster car chase (not even one fucking fruit cart got hit!), but now, long story short, we're on the road again, possibly now being chased by a nebulous organization. Oh fucking joy.

Penny doesn't think we'll keep their interest very long. I'm not so sure.

But what I'm curious about is...why didn't Pete do worse to us? He probably could have. I mean, if he really does have fucking fear powers or something, he could have grabbed the gun or knife from me? Fuck, he probably could've done that without powers, considering how fucking glacial my fucking draw was.

Fuck, he could've snapped Tara's neck pretty fucking easily before he escaped. She wasn't even really bruised. Why the fuck not? Not that I'm complaining, since it turns out she's a master fucking thief. Also my best friend, but yeah, that hotwiring thing is really fucking cool.

Anyway, we're on the road and under the radar again. I think I might have found a couple Smiley sightings. For now, the four of us are going to investigate together.

Hopefully, we'll have better luck.

Awkward

God fucking damnit.

We finally get to fucking Hope and when we do, everything's awkward as fuck.

It doesn't help that I kinda really screamed at Tara when I got here. And she...God, she feels terrible, you know? She didn't mean to, but they were talking and she got scared and he was right there and....hormones, nerves and shit, you know? She knows who he is but she fucking couldn't stop herself. They were both vulnerable and he was there and willing.

So she's not talking to me right now. It's not one of those "I'm not talking to you" things either. We just...aren't comfortable around each other right now.

Fuck.

Penny doesn't want to fucking talk to me, either. She's talked to Chelsea a whole bunch, but she's just...cold right now. I guess neither of us know what to say to each other, now that we're finally all together.

And Chelsea...God, where do I even fucking begin?

On the road trip, she tried to put the moves on me.

I really don't know how to react to that. I mean, no one's really hit on me before, let alone another fucking other girl. What do you fucking say to that?

She's probably just desperate. I mean, why the fuck else would someone like that hit on a mangled fucking tomboy dressed like a goth fucking cowboy.

So needless to fucking say she's not saying much to me, either.

And Peter? Christ. I have a hand near my revolver whenever he's fucking around. What do I do about him? I...I'm really not comfortable with shooting someone who hasn't done anything against me and mine. But if he stays, he's gonna almost certainly fucking do so.

And I can practically fucking hear proxiehunter's enraged fucking comment right now, all caps and telling me to fucking kill him now. I know. I fucking know! The longer I fucking agonize about this, the worse it's going to be when he fucking finally snaps, and it really is just a matter of fucking time.

I'm staying close to everyone and keeping an eye on him.

My revolver and my buck knife are never fucking leaving my person.

But, then again...

Maybe I'll talk to him about his brother. He's looking for him, right? I mean, I don't fucking pretend to believe that they're on anything fucking resembling good terms, but maybe we can get him going towards his family and out of our fucking hair.

Maybe that'd be for the best.

I'll keep y'all posted.

SHUT UP JEANETTE

I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN YOU'RE JUST A SHIT DRIVER

GODDAMNIT CHELSEA

WHY ARE WE IN COLORADO

GODDAMNIT CHELSEA YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY NAVIGATOR

Chelsea Here

Hey guys, this is Chelsea Balisong.

I'm too lazy to start my own blog so I'm using Jeanette's. She probably won't mind.

Anyway, we're at a motel in the middle of the desert. It's...I'm not going to lie. It is dull as fuck.

Also I've been swearing a whole lot more since hanging out with Jeanette. I think she's a bad influence. My poor virgin mind has been sullied!

I've been reading this out loud to Jeanette and she just let out a bark of laughter. I'm not sure why.

Anyway, in the morning we'll continue on our way to save my sister and Jeanette's lesbian lover and she just punched me. I'm not sure why she's so randomly violent all the time.

As always,

Chelsea Balisong

Good/Bad/Frustrating News

Well, it looks like Smiley stopped killing in Champaign entirely after offing Tara's roommate. That's the good news.

The bad news is, it's on the East Coast. Again. And I'm sill on the West, figuring out how to get across the country.

And now the frustrating news.

Penny and Tara--aka the blind girl and the girl who cannot correctly hold a weapon to save her life--are headed there, rather than waiting for me. She's giving up on her fucking school to do this.

I mean, I expected this sort of bullshit from Penny because as far as I can fucking tell she gets off on infuriating me, but Tara? Okay, yes, I expect this sort of bullshit from Tara because she never fucking believes me when I tell her something is too dangerous or too stupid. The safe option is to let me take care of it. Like I always do.

What the fuck are you going to do, Tara? Study the Smiling Man to death?

Also, Penny said something about her "cards shifting" and the "Cups and Pentacles replacing Swords betwixt the Lovers and the Devil", or whatever the fuck that and all of her other seer bullshit is. The last "reading" she did with major arcana? It turned out to be about the fucking Slender Man. And a fucking crazy ass proxy version of someone we used to know. This one has the Devil? I'll let you do the fucking math, people.

But no, don't wait for the one who can fucking fight. Have the scholar and the blind fucking fortune teller go. That'll turn out really fucking well.

Oh? And extra frustrating? When I leave, Chelsea, as the Page is calling herself (Jesus Christ this is a weird family), wants to come with me. The only tempting part about this is I think this would really piss Penny off.

Back to trying to find affordable trains. You know, before Penny and Tara get themselves Fearmurdered.