Frustration

Though it's really nothing I shouldn't fucking expect by now.

Of course we can't find the Smiling Man.

Of course bouquets keep fucking coming.

He doesn't want us to find Him. So we won't.

God fucking damnit.

I feel like I'm not actually fucking doing anything. Like I'm just moving from place to place because it's His will, stopping Him because He thinks it's funny.

Maybe Butterfly Knife Girl is right. Maybe I'm just a piece on the board, guided by some other fucking hand. Maybe I don't have any free will.

Maybe you just can't fucking fight fate.

Fuck

This is Jeanette. Arm's feeling a bit better. Had to re-break it a bit.

Not a whole lot of time to talk.

There was a bouquet on Tara's roommate's bed this morning.

We haven't told her what it means but we've managed to convince her that she has a stalker and should probably stay in.

Anyway I'm going to go get some more bullets.

Gah!

Tara here.

Jeanette is the worst patient ever. Of all time.

She's looking at me and being sullen.

Yeah, we'll see how sullen she is when she does something stupid to her arm again and we have a re-break it again.

Now she's talking about how it "wasn't that bad".

Worst. Patient. Ever.

Tara, out.

From Tara, Again

Hey guys, this is Tara, again. Things are looking good on the illicit medical care front. Should be able to have her see someone tomorrow.

One of the comments asked "what the hell" I was thinking when making Smiley. Honestly...I don't think any of us thought it would work. Mostly we were just writing stories and doing terrible jobs doctoring images. Only one of us took it super seriously And I think she was doing...something else.

She was never terribly upfront about what she was doing, though. I don't know her real name, but she went by CarrionPrincess. We called her Cari for short. She kept talking about rituals and secrets. I wasn't too close with her. Will, WTRainbow was, but I can't get a hold of any of the old gang. I guess Jack's dead now, but, as for the others I have no idea where they are.

Cari was also one of the first ones to drop off the map. The last thing she said to anyone was that she had "seen something awful".

As for who Penny Balisong is, I'm not sure. Though I'm pretty sure it's a pseudonym (given that her last name is essentially butterfly knife). My best guess, actually, would be that she's Cari. She always kind of had a trolling streak, after all.

That's all I can really think of for now. I should probably get going because Jeanette is looking super annoyed at me.

Tara, out.

Hey Guys

This is Tara. Jeanette's asleep in my bunk bed at the moment.

As I'm not quite comfortable sleeping in my roommate's bunk while she's out getting plastered, I'm failing to sleep in my computer chair. I don't think Jeanette'll mind me posting on her blog.

Well, scratch that, she'll definitely mind, but forgiveness is easier than permission. Also there are some thing Miss Stoic hasn't told you that I think you should know.

When she got here, she was running a pretty high fever. I think something in her arm is infected. She refuses to go to a hospital, though. I might be able to get her some treatment on the down-low through the student network, but even if that does work, there's a chance she's pretty seriously ill, not to mention injured.

I'd say I'm not sure how she's been walking and stabbing and typing lucidly the past few days, but this is Jeanette I'm talking about. Basically, everything she's told you about herself? She's much more awesome than that.

It really is good seeing her. I was worried. She hasn't really said it, but she didn't even leave a note when she left. She just kind of vanished off the face of the earth a few days after she got out of the hospital.

I think she thinks it's "safer for everyone" that way. Pro tip: when Jeanette says something is "safer for everyone", she means "safer for Tara". She has it in her head that I'm a delicate flower who needs coddled. While I'm not the strongest person I know (I bet you can guess who is), I'm stronger than she gives me credit for. Especially after I almost literally stared death in His face.

And I think she needs me. I've read her posts. I know the stuff she's going through, and I'd be willing to quit school to go with her. Me and my blood sister against the world. But I know she'd outpace me, sneak off without me noticing, Just to keep me safe.

Oh well. I guess she's not the only one who can ramble. Anyway, if responses from her are slow for the next few days, it's because I've managed to get her under-the-table medical care. Possibly against her will.

Tara, out.

I Really Shouldn't Be Doing This

It'll take a while, but my current destination is Champaign, IL.

I shouldn't be doing this.

Every little fucking voice in my fucking useless head says I really fucking shouldn't be doing this.

That's where Tara's going to college. She's been emailing me constantly. I haven't been answering.

I shouldn't. But I need a friend right now.

Also maybe someone who can get me some fucking codeine through her student account. That'd be pretty fucking rad.

More when I get there. If I get there.

The Only Thing That Keeps You Real

So long, Boston.

You won't be missed.