but if you try some time, you just might find

You know how they say you can't break an omelet without breaking a few eggs?


Well, sometimes you can't abduct a catatonic girl without setting fire to a women's shelter?


Oh god I'm going to hell for that.


It wasn't a serious fire.  But it was a grease fire.  So I guess it was kind of serious but I mean no one was hurt.


Except the shelter.  I mean, the kitchen was pretty damaged, but it's still standing and all.


Don't you judge me.


I grabbed Ten and ran when I had the chance.


And guess what?  Guess fucking what?


Those things?  With dead eyes that used to be men?


Yeah.  Two of them decided to attack at that point.  So I ran and let the cops handle them.


God damnit.  I am so going to hell.


But I have maybeTen.


She's still not responding, but she'll eat when food is put in front of her.  I still have to clean her and stuff, which I sort of got used to helping Alison, so there's that.


No clue what to do from here.  But it's a start.

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK


WHY DID I DO THAT


HAVE TEN


NEED TO RUN


FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ALISON WOULD FUCKING KILL ME IF SHE WAS STILL AROUND SHIT

it's just a kiss away

So, I'm in the shelter.


I don't have access to maybeTen.  She's still being watched by cops.  I'm not sure how I'm going to get to her.


It gets worse, too.  Eventually, cops are going to want to talk to me.  See, I kinda told the people here that I came from an abusive relationship?  I've said I'm not comfortable talking about it yet but I have to say something eventually, and my meal ticket isn't going to last forever.


I don't have much time.  Eventually those things with dead eyes that used to be men might come back.  They want maybeTen.  I don't know why.  I don't know where she was, or how she got out.


Then there's Smiley out there.  I need to at least try to stop him.  I owe it to them to at least try.


Should I call it "him"?  Jeanette went out of her way not to.  Alison never even referred to it by name, just by arcana.


I wish I knew what to do.  I'm not the smart one.  They were all so much smarter than me.  Especially Jeanette...she was so much smarter than she thought she was.  I think she was the smartest of us all.


Not me, though.  I'm the dumb one.


I need a plan.


Where's all that crazy bravado I had when I was posting that random  shit?  Gone now that little Alice needs to actually get her hands dirty.


More when I find out what to do.

and you wanted to dance, so i asked you to dance, but fear was in your soul

I haven't figured out a way to gain access to maybeTen yet.  There are even more cops there now.


Tara or Penny would have had an idea.


I'm the dumb one.  Whenever they had meetings I'd just sort of listen and make jokes.  And now I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces.


If I was smarter, maybe I'd know what was going on.  I'd know what was in King's head.


The only thing I can think of is...maybe they weren't trapped?


I don't know where to go from there.  I don't have people to talk to about this.


I always thought I was taking care of Penny/Alison, after she lost her eyes.  Yeah, she's older, but she  needed help.  I never stopped to think that maybe she was looking after me.  That maybe she was the reason I survived all this as long as I did.


I miss her.  Mom and Dad liked to pretend she didn't exist, but I never did.


I wish I could find her.


Maybe getting to Ten will give me some answers.


More later after I do some brainstorming.

what's goin' on

They found a Jane Doe on the Ferris Wheel, like, the day after I got that message.  Hasn't really spoken, as far as I know.  She's in a women's shelter, but the police are keeping a pretty good watch on her.  I think this has something to do with the fact she was found covered in blood.  But this is just guesswork on my part.


I was just scoping it out, minding my own business, when this guy...thing is probably more accurate, thing with dead eyes that used to be a man, attacked me.  I managed to fend him off.  With bullets.  About six of them.


And then the cops were like, 'that smokin' hot girl in a hoodie just up and shot a guy.  we should do something about that' and started chasing me.  I only got away when the thing with dead eyes that used to be a man got right back the fuck up and tried to break into the shelter.


You know, I cursed the left handed revolver, but honestly it really saved my ass, because if I'd managed to reload it in time I might've done something really fucking stupid like shoot at the cops.


Anyway, I think they managed to down the thing with dead eyes that used to be a man.  Eventually.  I wasn't there, though.  Need to find another way to get to the Jane Doe.


The worst part is, I'm even sure who it is.  She's Hispanic, or possibly  some kind of Asian, or maybe mixed race, I didn't get a  good look--but all of us are/were white bitches.


I think I know who it might be, though.


I think she might be Ten.

FUCKING SOUTHPAWS

FUCKING LEFT HANDED REVOLVERS


FUCKING COPS


FUCKING CHICAGO


SHE BETTER APPRECIATE ALL THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT I'M GOING THROUGH


GODDAMN IT IT'S NOT EVEN TARA


WHY AM I DOING THIS?


FUCKING SINISTER GODDAMN ASSHOLES

i see a red door

So I'm on my way to Chicago.


I don't know why I'm doing this.


I should be hiding in the bushes outside an all-girls school in New England, like my teenage aspirations, only a lot more  morbid.  Instead, I'm going to one of the largest cities in the country on the hunch that there'll be something waiting for me in or around the Ferris Wheel on Navy Pier.


I'm not sure what's there.  Or who wants me to go there.


Maybe it's that...thing that was in King's head, before...


I really need to explain that one day.  It's just hard to remember, honestly.  A lot of what happened, what brought us to this point, is absent from my mind.


Maybe there are some answers there.

the fuck?

What the hell is this?  Sis?  Is that you?


Is it some sort of code?  I don't get it.  What're you trying to say?


I probably could research this or something, but I'm busy stalking Smiley.


If someone can tell me what the hell that post means, great.


...I hope it's Alison, anyway.  Or Jeanette.  Or even Tara.  I miss them.


Why not just come out and say something, though?  Why obscure it in some dumb word puzzle thing?  There's something off about this.  Something I'm not seeing.


It's probably not too hard to crack but I really don't have time for now.  Only weapons I have are Jeanette's--the knife and the revolver, and I'm terrible with both.  She was showing me how to use the knife when well you know.  Gone.


Have to go.  I can still get some searching done before it gets too late.

I Think She'll Know

I still can't find her, and neither can I.  I'm still looking, though.


I love her.  I hope, through the weird teasing and stuff I did on these blogs, you people know that.  I love Jeanette.


I love Alison and Tara to, but, like, family, you know?  I wanted to be with Jeanette.  Wanted to be hers.


It...it's come for me, again.  It's sending more people...more things after me.  I don't know what I should do.  I don't know what I can do.  There used to be no blood on my hands.  I was the innocent one.  I talked a  big game of not being innocent, but I was.  The way it mattered.


Some would say it doesn't matter if a proxy dies, but I don't know.  I don't know how this thing is using them.  Maybe it's forcing them.  Maybe they don't get a say.


I don't know what it is.  What it looks like, how it acts.  Why it doesn't just come and take me like it did the others.  Maybe it's better I don't know.  Maybe that's what keeps me safe.


Anyway, I'm on the road.


There's a place on the East Coast that girls and boys have started getting flowers at.  And then...do I really need to explain the rest, at this point?  I'm headed there.


Jeanette and Alison aren't here.  Not even Tara.


If no one else is gonna hunt Ol' Smiley, guess it's gotta be me.