Two-Part

TITLE: Wish Me Luck

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN MONDAY, JANUARY 17; 4:01 AM

Mission is go. Smile at this, you bastard.

TITLE: Ashley's Gone

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN SATURDAY FEBRUARY 26; 5:06 PM

Ashley's gone. So is another girl, Felicia, a Junior. I've been under house arrest since the cops found me before class in school with my rifle. No computer access. Not allowed even to leave my room.

I got there early. I managed to get a second-floor window open after shimmying up the gutters. I practically camped in front of Ashley's locker, and I must have blinked because there he was, there he fucking was, right in fucking front of me.

It isn't...I can't really. He wasn't wearing a hoodie. He never was, I just needed to rationalize not being able to see his fucking eyes, because you fucking can't. Oh, they're there, you just can't look in them, you can't fucking look in them because something won't let you, something won't let you. And those long sleeves are because he's in a fucking straight jacket.

And he smiled at me. He smiled at me and his smile was wider than his face, and he had so many teeth, so many goddamn teeth. And then he showed me the bouquet. Black roses, yellow tulips, yellow carnations, white heliotrope, lavender hydrangea. Then he looked at the lockers and smiled, and I knew what he wanted me to do, somehow I just fucking knew.

He wanted me to pick. He wanted me to fucking pick who got the next bouquet.

I was shaking, shaking all over, and yes, yes I was fucking crying because I was ready for a man not a fucking monster. I rose my rifle anyway.

And he kept smiling and shook his head, his face, his eyes, his unseeable eyes turning slowly to Tara's locker, and then back to me. He...no, not he, it smiled even wider, showing off every goddamn tooth. They looked so sharp. Like goddamn fangs.

I dropped the rifle. I dropped the rifle and pointed at someone random, someone who wasn't my only friend. I'm so sorry, Felicia. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry but she's my best friend.

I think it pulled the fire alarm after it was done. The police didn't find it. But they found me and they didn't...they won't believe me. That it was a monster. They think I'm connected but they can't prove it, of course they can't. It wasn't me. It was Mr. Smiles. It was the Smiling Man.

They're letting me use the computer today. They're letting me see Tara today if I have an escort. Now that Felicia's gone...well, they know I couldn't have done that. But I have to report to them. They have me tagged around the ankle like a fucking animal.

I'm sorry, Tara. I'm so sorry. I know, if you knew, you would hate that someone else got hurt instead of you. But I had to.

This Monday, this Monday the next girl gets her bouquet. And I don't know what to do.

I Am A Retard Sometimes

ORIGINALLY POSTED SUNDAY, JANUARY 16; 4:42 AM

I am so fucking dumb. I'm EIGHTEEN. I can just leave the house and Mom and Dad can't fucking do jack.

So, I had an idea. Flowers always show up on Mondays. Always. I mean, more flowers show up on other days of the week, but every Monday there are flowers.

I'm going to sneak into school this time tomorrow. I'm going to catch the bastard in the act. Then, well...

I haven't thought that far ahead, I mean, I can't just shoot the bastard, can I? Maybe if I find him I should get the cops' attention.

But then again, why shouldn't I shoot him? He might have killed Vanessa. And now he's going after Ashley. Who knows how many girls he'll take before he's finished?

I'd talk to Tara about this...but I don't know. She's...I'll understand if she hates me now. I'll understand. I shouldn't have said those things but she doesn't understand. Life's so easy for her. Her parents are rich. She has all the options in the world. Me...I'm white fucking trash. That's not gonna change. And..and I'm a freak. Every girl I know has been fawning over boys since middle school but...nothing. I don't feel anything for boys, or girls either, before you get any ideas. (whoever you are, since I haven't actually been posting these) Just...nothing where hormonal craziness should be.

So there's nothing for me. Nothing for me to lose.

That's it. I'll shoot the bastard. Doesn't matter if I go to jail for it. I don't matter anyway.

Seen Him

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN THURSDAY, JANUARY 13TH; 7:00 PM

I saw him today--Mr. Smiles, that is. Looks like he's dressed in a hoodie or something. Whatever he's wearing has crazy long sleeves, too. I couldn't make out his face very well, but I'm positive he was smiling. He was outside Ashley Grant's house.

I started walking up to him when a cop stopped me. In hindsight, I don't know what the fuck I was going to do: strangle him with my bare hands? Yeah right--like I'm going to let him chloroform me or whatever again.

Anyway, the cop said, "What are you doing here?"

Me-- "Came to check on Ashley."

Cop-- "Ashley is fine at the moment. Please go home, or I'll call someone to take you there."

Me-- "Bullshit she's fine! That smiling bastard is right over there!"

I pointed and he whirled around. Just my luck, he was nowhere to be seen.

So, long story short, I got escorted home by a cop. My parents freaked the fuck out--I think they're going to start keeping a closer eye on me--might have to do my blogging before the ass crack of dawn.

Tara's telling me to let it go. She thinks the police can handle it and that I'll just get in trouble if I keep at this. I...I said some pretty harsh things to her. She started crying and left.

Shit. Now my best fucking friend is pissed at me. She doesn't understand, though. Vanessa was in my house. Under my protection. And now she's gone and this smiling fucker's going to do it again. I have to stop him. Even if it means killing him in cold blood, I have to stop him.

Success

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN MONDAY, JANUARY 10TH; 4:12 PM

a door left unlocked

an open invitation

her name is revealed

It's a sophomore named Ashley Grant. I think I know her. I think Tara's little sister is friends with her.

I don't know how long I have before Mr. Smiles comes after her, but he's probably started tapping on her window by now.

I'll stop him this time.

Oh, and the police in this town really do need better security.